


Nicky

by Ayb_Abtu



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Closure, Emotional Baggage, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Secret Relationship, Suspicions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-16 00:45:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9266279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayb_Abtu/pseuds/Ayb_Abtu
Summary: The reason behind some of Nick's past, unintentionally fished out of him by an overly annoyed rabbit.





	1. Rain

**Author's Note:**

> 11/26/17 Formatting/corrections update, removed old notes.
> 
> Cover art by Shadeink: https://www.deviantart.com/art/Nicky-Cover-726636793

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick sneaks away from work, leaving Judy irritated.

            Nick and Judy stepped into the station, the sound of the rain slowly fading as the door closed behind them. "HA, just in time!" Judy gloated, looking out at the rain. Nick smiled as they turned to head through the station. They both wave to Clawhauser as they made their way past the desk toward the stairs, to finish the day’s paperwork at their desks.

            "How's your foot?" Nick asked.

            "I'm fine, it was only a purse," Judy replied, as they started up the steps.

            "A purse fit for a hippo," he reminded, stifling a laugh, "It was bigger than me."

            "Yeah well, no harm done. At least not until you pass this story around to embarrass me..." she responded with a glare.

            "It is funny when you think about it Carrots," he said with a smile.

            "Well, just keep this one between us okay? You've got plenty of other stories to make fun of me with..." she trailed off, trying to change the subject, "Hey, you still never told me why you took last Thursday off, Slick!" Nick’s smile widened as he turned his palms up.

            "Can't tell you all my secrets, now can I? Then there'd be no mystery left, and what would I be without my… shadowy intrigue?" he teased, as his phone began to ring. Judy's playful glare turned to a smile, rolling her eyes and shaking her head, as Nick broke away from her to answer his call.

            She walked a few more feet to her desk to start the paperwork. Nick stopped walking just out of earshot. Judy kept glancing over to him as she sorted through the small stack of reports they accrued throughout the day. After a few minutes she saw his head start to droop as he slowly lowered the phone to his side before pocketing it. She cocked her head curiously and watched as he stood there, motionless and silent, before slowly turning, and walking to Bogo's office, disappearing into the doorway. Her attention slowly drifted from the scene, back to her stack.

            A few minutes went by before Clawhauser appeared at the top of the stairs, darting his head around. Spotting Judy, he walked toward her, his pace faster than usual. "JUDY!" he shouted.

            "Hey Ben, early day today?" she cheerfully asked.

            "No, I'm actually doing a double shift today," he started before his tone became more frantic, "Where did Nick go? He got a message this morning, but I forgot to give it to him when you guys walked in."

            "He went into Bogo's office a few minutes ago..." she replied, looking back toward Bogo's door. Clawhauser turned his head to look.

            "The Chief left already though..." he trailed off. Judy shot an annoyed look at the door.

            "He's trying to stick me with all the paperwork again isn't he?!" she said, hopping out of her chair and marching toward the office, "Not this time Fox!"

            Upon reaching the doorway, she looked in, scanning about the room, and finding it missing what she expected to see. As her demeanor started to fade, her ears perked up at the sound of her phone going off at her desk, pulling her attention away from the empty office.

            "OOOOOOOOh," Clawhauser squealed, "I...love... your ringtone!" Judy smiled at him, if nothing else, to take her mind of her irritation at Nick. She grabbed her phone to see the message log.

 _HAHA! I've never seen him so mad, he chased me for 2 blocks_  
_-Nick  9:44pm_

 _Well don't waste all the peppers tormenting Finnick, I WANT MY COFFEE!  (c :) <_  
_Hopps-  9:48pm_

 _Something’s come up, can you punch me out? I owe ya_  
_-Nick  3:21pm_

            She stared at her phone for a moment before trying to call him. "Punch you out... I'll punch you out alright..." she muttered as the phone rang, her foot tapping impatiently.

            "Times are too Wilde right now, leave a message. If it’s an emergency... good luck!" his voice echoed through her ears.

            "Nope!" she said, pressing the end call button before the beep, her eyes burning a hole in the ceiling. "Stupid voicemail... what is that even suppose to mean?" she huffed, turning her gaze to Clawhauser, who shrugged in return. "He's not getting off the hook this time, he couldn't have gone far!" as she stormed off, Clawhauser waved the memo in his hand.

            "Uhhh... Hopps wait!" he called, stopping her, "Can you give him his message? I don't want it to get forgotten again, it sounded important."

            "Sure," she sighed, putting her hand out. Clawhauser handed it to her, before heading back to the stairs. _Okay jerk fox... what's so important!?_ she thought as she looked over the note.

 _Lani called for you, said she couldn't find your number, and to call her back ASAP!_ Judy stared at it for a moment before her irritation dissolved.

            “Lani?” she muttered.

            After exhausting every hiding spot she could think of in the station, Judy decided to try tracking him down outside, since her text messages were going unanswered. She went to her desk to get her overcoat, hoping to spare her uniform from the rain. "Glad I hid this where Nick wouldn't think to look… for…" she trailed off as she pulled it out of the drawer to see small carrot shaped stickers all over it, drawing a deep sigh from her. "He can be such a child sometimes..." she groaned in irritation before a slight grin took hold. She shook her head to rid herself of the smile, refusing to let him win.

            Throwing the coat on, she walked to the punch clock to clock them both out, before sprinting down the stairs, stopping just before opening the door, so as not to drown her thoughts with the sound of the torrential rain outside. _He's got a decent head start by now... where is he off to...?_ she thought, before becoming dismayed. _Okay then, detective time... no clues, no leads... except this Lani, whoever she is... who is she? A... girlfriend?_ The thought sent a ripple of nervous tension through her, bringing her to an unexpected pause. _Why does that...?_ she wondered, perplexed by her own reaction. _Grrrrrr, this is getting me nowhere, he probably just went home!_ As the thought crossed her mind, she heaved the door open and stepped out into the rain.


	2. Chase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judy finally catches up to Nick, only to find things different than she expected.

            Nick trudged through the rain after leaving the subway, clutching a storage box with both hands. Reaching his apartment building, he left a trail of water behind him to his door. He went inside to get out of his soaked uniform, and into his usual attire, setting the box on the end table in front of the couch, next to his mirrored dresser. After changing and hanging his uniform by the door to dry, he stared back at the box with fear and discontent before looking away. _Nothing will be different... same as all the others..._ he thought turning his back to it, leaving again. As he made his way down the stairs he could hear the rain dying down to a light sprinkle. He opened the glass door and headed out into it.

            Judy scowled from across the street as Nick stepped outside. _Ok slick, now that I found you, what am I gonna do with you..._ she plotted, _Drag you by the tie back to the station? Tell Bogo you cut out early and watch you organize the maintenance closet tomorrow?_ She sighed knowing nothing she could come up with would work out the way she wanted, as she watched Nick staggered slightly after brushing his shoulder against the corner of the next building. Her contempt for him slowly faded, seeing him continue down the sidewalk, barely watching where he was going. _Okay..._ she thought, confusion and concern taking hold, _maybe I should just keep an eye on you instead?_ as she started looking about for cover to duck behind.

            Following him was proving to be easier than she first thought, with the rain masking the smell of her fur, and plenty of parked cars and alleys to conceal herself with. But after a few blocks, Nick crossed to her side of the street. She could see his attention seemed to be more focused than before. Squeezing herself behind the thick base of a lamppost, she looked on as he continued down the walkway, until he disappeared into a florist's shop.

            "So, you aggravate this secret girlfriend and she gets flowers... you aggravate me, and you make a day of it... that's fair..." she sarcastically mumbled to herself, but where she expected to laugh, she only felt hurt, almost discarded. _Why wouldn’t he just tell me if he had a girlfriend?_ she wondered, as another wave of frustration passing through her. _Wait… am I… jealous?_ She stood on the curb, stunned by the thought, as the flower shop door swung open. She didn't have time to figure out why, before Nick left the store with a small bouquet, and continued down toward the subway. She hurried behind him, keeping her distance.

            As they boarded the train, Judy made sure to get into the next car, without the rain, his nose would pick up her scent right away, but she was still able to keep an eye on him through the adjoining window. His oblivious stare had no concern for the world around him, even when they reached the next station he looked up at the sign to check the stop, but not even a glance in another direction as he left the rail car and proceeded up the exit.

            She kept her distance until they were back in the rain. Another block went by before Nick stopped between a truck and a small diner. Judy sidestepped into the alley beside her, bumping a trash can in her haste so as not to be seen, causing the lid to crash against the ground, she gasped when Nick's ears perked up at the sound, taking her eyes off him as she clung to the wall. Moments passed before she was confident he wouldn't be looking, poking her head slowly around the corner, when she noticed he was gone. _All this for nothing then,_ she sneered, _unless he's meeting her inside?_ her thought continued, as she looked at the corner sign for the diner. _I could snap a picture and send it to Clawhauser... by tomorrow everyone would be on his case,_ as she walked toward the restaurant, and looked through the window, into the unlit building. "Closed?" she sighed before noticing Nick’s reflection in the glass, turning to see him across the street, entering an iron archway, atop a short stone wall.

            As she crossed the street, she surveyed the wall, wrought iron bars, and the few large trees scattered about inside, until the gate led her eyes up, to the words made of twisted metal, Savannah Central Memorial Park, her eyes grew wide.  She stood vacantly, staring at the words, trying to tear herself away to return her focus to Nick. She lowered her stare and turned toward the direction he walked, remaining outside to stay hidden behind the wall. He stopped under a willow tree, midway through the lot, his back turned to her. She came to a stop as well, directly in line with him, as her chest thrummed with guilt over how she had been carrying on. _Nick..._ she thought, as he bent down, placing the flowers against a new looking headstone she couldn't completely see, but could easily see the half of it that read, _Wilde._


	3. Hurt

            The rain stopped as Judy peered through the wrought iron bars over the short cemetery wall, watching him stare silently at the headstone, her thoughts going back and forth between frustration and concern. _Why would you hide something like this from me Nick?_ she thought, _Did you think I wouldn't care? That I wouldn't try to help? Or did you just not... want my help?_

            "How about that, Mom…? It hasn't even been a week..." Nick joked in a low tone, trying to force a laugh, "...but I promised I'd let you know when they found the last one," he said somberly, looking around the stone at the few other bouquets, most starting to wilt.

            Judy tried not to eavesdrop, but couldn't help her sense of hearing, or her curiosity. Guilt twisted her chest further, before frustration began fighting for dominance in her mind. As Nick started to turn, she ducked down so as not to be seen, and followed the path along the stone to the entrance to confront him, hiding just outside, waiting for him to turn the corner.

            Nick stopped before the gate, his grim expression turning to disappointment as a gust of wind blew the bottom of Judy's sticker covered coat into his sight from around the stone wall. _It's too soon for this, Carrots... but you won't leave well enough alone, will you?_ he thought, glancing around the ground. Finding a small stone, he picked it up and tossed it through the fence onto the sidewalk a few feet to the side of the entrance. Judy turned to the sound, her nose twitching, as confusion set in.

            "OOOOHH!" Judy blurted in surprise, her ears shooting up, as Nick stepped out, grabbing the back of her coat and lifting her. She spun slowly, eventually being met with his disappointed grimace.

            "How long have you been following me, Fluff?" Nick asked, his cross tone forcing shame to wash over her.

            "I..." she muttered, trying to sort through the confusing swarm of thoughts, before her pity made way for irritation, "Long enough to be hurt, Nick!" she shouted. Nick grit his teeth and loosened his grip after hearing her tone. Judy finished wrestling her way free from him, landing on all fours, one paw splashing into a puddle. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, not looking up. Nick looked away silently as she picked herself up, avoiding her question. When he looked back to her, her scowl cut deep through his frustration.

            "Because, Carrots..." he sighed.

            "Because you can't stand not being Mr. Slick?" she interrupted, "Because you can't let me see that you don't always handle everything with perfect poise?!" she continued, "Or because you don't want to confide in me...?" her tone growing more sullen, her ears dropping to her back.

            "Perfect poise?" Nick questioned, forcing a laugh, almost begging for an escape. Judy stepped closer to him, her eyes growing wide.

            "Nick..." she quietly called.

            "Because I didn't want to drag you through all of this... I've dealt with this myself for a long time, it's been a real mess, but now..." he paused, the defensiveness in his voice slowly falling away, "...not knowing how I might handle any of it, I didn't... want you to see me like..." Nick trailed off, looking back into the cemetery. Judy followed his gaze before looking back to him, only concern showing through her eyes.

            "Nick, I... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you, I'm just... you wouldn't let me in... let me... help..." she pleaded, her expression dropping further as she reached for his hand.

            "There's nothing to help, Carrots. It's over and done with... it's been a long time coming" he said looking back to her.

            "Don't lie to me Nick..." she said softly, gently tugging at him, "You can't right now anyway. As strong as you’re trying to be about it, you can't hide the pain on your face as well as you think," Nick sighed, realizing he had no chance of chasing her away.

            "Okay Fluff, you win," he said, rubbing stress from his eyes, "I've got one last box of nonsense to sort through, and now you, before I can put all this behind me."

            "You say that like I shouldn't care about you..." she teased, squeezing his hand before letting it go, trying to get a real smile out of him, which Nick reluctantly gave her as they began walking toward the rail station.

            "Are you happy now at least?" Nick asked. Judy turned to him with a confused look, "Now you know where I was Thursday."

            "I would have preferred finding you had a girlfriend you were hiding from me," she said with a sullen tone, looking away to hide her embarrassment, drawing a subtle laugh from him.

            "When would I have time for a girlfriend?" he asked, "I've already got a partner that forces her way into every private moment I have." he teased, making her chuckle. As they're laughter faded, Judy became quiet again, folding her arms.

            "So... are you going to tell me about her? You've only ever mentioned her once before..." she asked, hoping Nick would stop walling her off. Nick tightened his lip as they stopped in front of the entrance to the subway. Judy continued to walk, but stopped when he didn't follow.

            "If you want to hear it," Nick started with a heavy sigh, "then we're walking…" Judy looked at him with a sad, but relieved smile and slowly stepped back toward him.


	4. Walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick tells Judy about when problems started with his mother as they walk to his apartment.

            They walked for quite a while before Nick finally said anything to her, and he always paused as the few other animals on the streets passed them.

            "You don't always put two and two together do you?" Nick asked, teasing her, yet serious.

            "I’m getting better at it the more time I spend around you, Fox," Judy replied with a snarky tone.

            "Back when we first met, do you remember what you were trying to blackmail me with?" he asked.

            "Tax evasion," Judy responded after thinking for a moment.

            "On fourteen hundred a week, roughly?" he added.

            "That sounds about right," she joked.

            "And with that kind of income, you never wondered why I was still living under a bridge?" he asked. Judy paused, remembering when she found him that day, nearly a year ago. Her ears lowered slightly as she looked up at him. "Well... you probably assumed I owed money to some thugs, like Mr. Big... luckily I never had to borrow money from the mob..."

            "What's that got to do with...?" she trailed off.

            "I'm getting there Fluff, keep your tail on," he said with a sigh. After a long pause he swallowed hard and continued, "It started so fast... that day is kinda blurry..." he took a deep breath, "It wasn't long after I started grifting, couple years maybe... it happened so fast..."

 

* * *

 

            Nick excitedly flung the door open to their small townhouse. "Hi Mom!" he shouted as he passed by the entrance to the kitchen, heading upstairs to change after another summer day of swindling.

            "Nick! Don't run in the house," his mother shouted with a smile, up the stairs at him. She shook her head with a light laugh, before returning to the kitchen.

            He could barely hear her through his bedroom door as he stashed the money he earned in the closet, grabbing a different shirt to put on in the process. While pulling it over his head, a loud crash came echoing up the stairs from the kitchen. His ears pulled back to mute the shattering sound. He opened the closet again to grab a bat before heading down the stairs, worried he might have been followed home by someone he had duped.

            Once at the bottom step he slowly looked into the kitchen to see his mother lying on the cold tile floor. As he entered the room his eyes darted around looking for an intruder. Without finding anyone he threw the bat into the next room and rushed to his mother, broken plates scattered about the floor by her legs and under the table.

            "Mom? MOM!" he called, shaking her shoulder. Without getting a response he began to panic, looking around the room. He reached over her to turn the stove off before any harm could come of forgetting about it. As he stepped back from it, she let out a groan as she started to stir, her eyes opened slightly, her paw reaching to the back of her head. "Mom?! Are you okay? What happened?" he asked, still in a panic, but reaching to help her up.

            "Nick? I… was starting to set the table... and then…" she trailed off in confusion, "I must have slipped," she said as she looked down to the spread pile of porcelain littering the floor. "Oh no... look what I've done..." she finished, getting back to her feet. Nick refused to leave her side, leading her into the living room to seat her on the couch. She struggled to make it there, even with his help, almost falling from dizziness.  Once seated, she looked at Nick, seeing the fear on his face staring back at her. She smiled, trying to calm him. "I'm fine Nicky, thank you. I'm just more tired than I thought I was". Nick relaxed slightly but still maintained a worried look. He had never known her to be accident prone, and her eyes didn't look right to him.

            "Are you sure you’re alright?" he asked skeptically, one eye half closed. She chuckled lightly.

            "Yes Nick, I'm fine. I just need to rest," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder, "But dinners ready, you can help yourself. I'll clean up before I leave for work in the morning," she added, pointing to the kitchen, his distrustful look slowly faded as he continued to watch her. "Well go, or its going to get cold!" she said excitedly, which never failed to make Nick smile. As he walked back to the kitchen and began to dish up food from the stove top, he could hear her slowly climbing the stairs. He looked at the mess on the floor, and decided to clean it up, before eating and going to bed himself.

            Late the next morning Nick woke to a knocking outside his window. After hurriedly throwing on clothes he made his way down the stairs to open the door. A young wolf, with a dower expression, in a ZPD uniform greeted him once the door was opened. Nick’s eyes widened to a near breaking point, thinking back through the last week of hustles, looking for anything he could be accused of.

            "You must be Nick," the officer said, with a voice as gruff as the look in his eyes, "I'm officer Wolford, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me please."

            "Wh… What for?" Nick asked timidly. Wolford grimaced, letting out a sigh as he bent down to Nick’s level.

            "There was an incident today. I've been asked to bring you to your mother," Wolford said in a low tone.

            "Mom?! What happened?" Nick stammered out, thinking about the previous night.

            "She's fine, but she's in the hospital right now," Wolford added, extending his hand out. Nick refused to take it, but walked outside toward the awaiting squadcar, Wolford walking directly behind him. Nick opened the back door of the car.

            "You can sit up front kid," Wolford blurted as Nick closed the door after getting in the back seat. Wolford paused for a moment before shrugging.

            After riding in complete silence, they pulled up to the hospital emergency entrance. Nick scrambled to find the handle to open the door before noticing there wasn't one, forcing him to wait impatiently for Wolford to open the door. Once the door wasn't in his way, Nick took off running into the hospital. Wolford sighed at the sight, before following in Nick’s wake.

            Nick jumped repeatedly trying to get the attention of the desk receptionist, before Wolford caught up to him. "This way kid," he said, pointing down the hall. Nick stopped darting ahead and followed the officer until they reach the room. Nick saw his mother sitting up in a bed, looking out of the window.

            "MOM!" Nick shouted, pushing past Wolford toward her.

            "Nick…" she called to him with a smile. He ran to the bedside to hug her, as she waved a thank you to Wolford, who nodded before turning back down the hall.

            "You told me you were okay..." Nick accused, "Okay doesn't put us in the hospital…" Her smile faded as she quickly glanced to the ceiling, looking for an answer, before looking back down and letting him go. She looked him in the eye before smiling again.

            "I told you I was fine Nick," her tone soft, as always, "That's what I thought, but work sent me here anyway, just in case…" she took a deep breath before continuing, "but if something does happen, we can figure it out, right? Always prepared?!" she said excitedly, trying to rile him up, Nick nodded and smiled back at her before leaning back into her hug, but she stopped him momentarily as her smile faded slightly, making room for concern, "You’re a sweet boy Nicky... you shouldn't worry so much...it'll make you grey".

 

* * *

 

            Judy hung on every word, walking closer and closer to Nick. "So… what was it? She didn't really slip on anything... did she?" Judy asked, regretting the question as it left her. Nick paused, gritting his teeth.

            "It was a concussion from the fall that left her dizzy enough to be sent to the hospital from work the next day," Nick started again, "when they checked her over, that's when they found the signs that…” he paused, the words burning his throat as he uttered them, “she had a stroke".

            "Oh, Nick..." Judy muttered with a gasp. Nicks ear flicked at the sound.

            "The first of many... it wasn't a big deal at first, but… it didn't take long before she had another one, and that's when it started getting bad," he explained, "It started to affect her memory, she would have these... episodes at random, after a couple years she couldn't work anymore, so I started taking care of the bills. I couldn't rake in the same kind of money while juggling school too, but we managed...”

            Judy tried to speak, but no words would come, her eyes opened wide at the loss, only able to listen, hearing the growing tension in his voice with each passing word.

            "I remember the last day in the house... I was seventeen, I came home to find her tearing the living room apart looking for her glasses..." he began, "the big problem with that, was she never wore glasses... at that point I knew I couldn't keep things together the way I had been. I couldn't be around her all the time, and when she was like that, she couldn't call a nurse herself. I couldn't afford full time home care and the rent... so I made a call to a care facility in Savannah Central, Shaded Grove Nursing Care. It was pricey, but I could afford it as long as I didn't have to pay the rent on the townhouse, and the other bills. So, I found the cheapest self storage to put all our stuff in and..." Nick paused as the next words burned his chest, "...shipped her off..."

            "Nick..." Judy piped up, "you didn't ship her off... you did what you thought was best. You couldn't be in two places at once, and it's not like you abandoned her..." Nick stopped walking as Judy's last words struck him.

            "You sound just like Lani..." Nick said as he hung his head and resumed his path. Judy's ears perked up at the name.

            "She... called the station looking for you today," she said, glancing away from him, nearly having forgotten the note. She looked back, waiting for him to continue.

            "Yeah, she told me when she called, she couldn't find our patient forms... apparently they got misfiled." he replied, his tone low and dismissive. Judy continued to watch him as her concern turned to pity, "Anyway... maybe I didn't, but it still felt like it after a while..." Nick added. "I visited her at least once a month, usually more, but my old line of work could take a lot of... networking... which can be really time consuming. As time went on, her memory got worse and worse. By the time I was... just a bit younger than you actually, she... wasn't able to recognize me anymore when I visited."

            They stopped at the corner, waiting to cross the street, but Nick didn’t move when the light changed, stuck as he looked down the block to see the west entrance to his apartment building, chewing at his lip, knowing there was a box waiting for him on the short table in front of his couch.

            "That's not the end..." Judy said, nudging him to continue, anything to keep him talking. Nick forced a smile.

            "I know your trying Carrots, and so am I... this isn't the kind of story I'm used to telling," he replied.

            "Because it doesn't end with me, being the butt of the twist joke ending?" Judy teased.

            "Exactly... have I gotten that predictable?" Nick joked nervously, trying to laugh.

            "Nick..." Judy smiled reaching for his arm. He stopped as soon as her paw touched him, staring blankly down the block, he sighed before putting on a weak smile. As they reached the building Nick held the door open, and followed her inside.

            "I still went back..." Nick said as they climbed the stairs, "for about a year..."


	5. Closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick finishes telling Judy about his Mom as they go through the last box.

            Nick walked through the front door of the clinic. The receptionist waved at him, but he didn't give her a thought. He was sure today would be no different than any other time he visited.

            "Ah, Mr. Wilde," was heard coming from a small lemur, greeting Nick with a smile outside of the common room.

            "Any chance she's doing okay today, Doc?" Nick asked sternly, already knowing the answer. The doctor’s face tightened with sympathy, closing his eyes. The change in expression told Nick all he needed to know."Figures..." Nick said.

            "Have a seat in her room, I'll go get her for you," the doctor said, turning to leave.

            Nick walked down the hall to her room, opened the door, and sat down, across the small room from the bed, in the plush chair that used to reside in their living room. He hunched over and hung his head, rubbing the side of his face out of frustration, hoping to be able to have one conversation with her, that didn't go the way they always did. After a few minutes the door opened slowly, the nurse could be heard, escorting his mother into the room.

            "He's right inside Mrs. Wilde," a serval, in a nurse's uniform said with a loving tone. She opened the door the rest of the way and Nick's mother stepped inside. Nick smiled sadly at her as she walked in and sat in the chair on the other side of the room. He could see the look in her eyes, beaming with a listless confusion as always.

            "I'll be right outside if you need anything," the nurse said with a smile, looking at Nick, before closing the door most of the way.

            "Hey Mom," Nick started, drawing her gaze to him.

            "Oh... they didn't tell me I had a visitor," she said coyly. Nick paused, thinking of what the nurse just said.

            "Then what… did you come in here for?" he asked, his expression sinking, _Looking for your glasses?_ he thought.

            "I came to get... my glasses," she stammered.

 _Like clockwork..._ Nick thought as he hung his head again.

            "Excuse me, but what's your name? You look familiar..." she asked politely. Nick’s ears perked in surprise, with all the years he had been visiting, she had never asked that before, rekindling his hope as he raised his head.

            "It's… Nick," his sad smile returned as he looked back at her.

            "Oh, that's my son’s name..." she said before pausing, "do you know him?" she reached for a framed picture of Nick, when he was little. "My Nicky," she said, showing the picture to him. Nick grit his teeth, feeling his throat tighten, "always such a scamp... but he's a good boy," she held the picture up to see them side by side, "In a few years he actually might look a lot like… you...?" she trailed off as she became more confused. Nick's smile faded, he looked away, fighting down his urge to run. He swallowed hard before standing up and walking toward her. He knelt down to her, looking at the expression in her eyes, and clasped her hand.

            "He..." Nick paused, trying to think of what he could say to her, "He's been trying to visit you... but he's been busy... working, he asked me to come by and tell you that... he misses you... and that he'll be along to see you any day now.”

            "Well isn't that nice... but if he's going to send a stranger to tell me these things, he could at least send a proper message, my boy's far too young to have a job yet," she accused, without ever losing her polite tone, and welcoming smile. “Are you one of his teachers?”

            Nick stared silently through her as his heart dropped, and his throat swelled further. He slowly stood back up, and stepped back toward the chair as she started gently combing through the end table drawer beside her. Nick sat back down defeated, all the times he'd come here, hoping to see his mother, always to be met with the same conversation, the same endless search for something that never was, or something that could never be again, the same confused stare, from a stranger he's known his whole life. _This is too much...it hurts more and more each time..._ he thought.

            "Oh, they aren't here either," she said, closing the drawer, "I should..."

            "... check… in the kitchen..." Nick slowly stammered, finishing her thought. He hung his head again, resting his hands on his head as she opened the door and walked out. The nurse standing outside watched her walk down the hallway slowly, her expression mirroring Nick’s. She turned to see him, lost in the same pain this always put him in. She walked in and sat across from him.

            "Nick?" she called, trying to pull him back.

            "Yeah, Lani?" he replied after taking a moment to choke back a break in his voice.

            "She… does come around sometimes," she started, "and when she does, you’re almost all she talks about."

            "Probably just wondering why she never sees me... or why she’s not in our house..." Nick's tone grew frustrated. Lani shook her head with a smile.

            "When she's having a good day, she knows where she is, and why she's here... even how long it's been, and when she doesn't, I always help jog her memory. She hasn't forgotten you, and one of these days, you'll be able to hear that from her yourself," she assured him. Nick pinched between his eyes as he raised his head, before looking back at her.

            "No, I won't Lani... I..." Nick said, pausing to breathe before the crackle in his voice could be heard, "It's been years... I don't think I can do this any more... it's eating me alive, seeing her like this... seeing her as someone I don't know... someone who doesn't know me..." he trailed off. Lani looked at him with the same sad eyes she's shown countless other families, before her smile returned.

            "Did you know you’re the most frequent visitor we get? How many animals do you think know our names?" she asked, her smile growing wide, "Most stop visiting as often as you after a year or so, and after that we don't usually even see them once a year," she continued as she stood up, stepping closer to him, "But you... you've still been coming, five times past the average... breaking point..." she paused to let out a sigh, regretting her choice of words, "She’s here so we can take care of her, so she'll still be here whenever you’re ready to come back... but you'll never be ready if you burn yourself out. This is why we're here, because this is always too painful for family," Lani reached a hand out to him, "She's in good hands, Nick..."  
  

* * *

 

 

            Judy kept thinking about her own parents as Nick carried on, every time she thought of them not remembering her, or vice versa, her heart thrummed with an ache. She spent the better part of his story fighting back the lump in her throat, as she stacked papers out of the box on the table.

            "So did..." she started, pausing to clear her throat of the crackle, "Did you ever go back again?" she asked, taking a few deep breaths.

            "A few times, I just dropped things off really... photos, keepsakes, but... I left them with Lani... I was never ready to face Mom again..." he said, gritting his teeth, as he grabbed a stack and started skimming through.

            Judy watched as he burned through the papers, it didn't even look like he was reading them, just passing over them, not wanting to see any of them. She wondered how many he had been through already, to know that none of them said anything. Glancing at a few herself, she could see that they were mostly gibberish, sloppy slash marks, or just a mess of scribbles that resembled words, but no matter the viewing angle, ultimately said nothing. Nick didn't flinch as he pawed through page after page, numb to it all. _This didn't just happen..._ she thought, _He put all of this behind him a long time ago... am I... making this worse?_ She slowly looked away from him, turning her attention back to the box on the table. _If this is winning against you Nick, I'd rather lose… dumb bunny,_ her inner voice scolded.

            "She wasn't lucid often... or for very long..." Nick started as Judy pulled a small binder from the box, "Her nurse said she always knew when she was lucid, because the first thing she would do was ask for a newspaper," Judy opened the binder to see Nick’s police academy graduation photo.

            "She was keeping a scrapbook for you," Judy said with a smile, as she slowly flipped the page. "Look," she said, pointing to a clipping, "When you were on the stand at Bellwether’s trial..."

            "I don't remember seeing a picture of that..." Nick stopped combing through letters to glace over. Judy turned another page to see the headline: The ZPD's First Fox. Nick forced a smile as she thumbed intently through the book, before he returned to the pile of barely comprehensible letters.

            "Oh," she said surprised upon turning to the last page, "The City Safeguard promotional photo we did... this was in last week’s paper..." she trailed off. Flipping the last page to the back pocket of the binder, Judy pulled three stapled pages out and started to read it. Before finishing half of the first page she gasped. "I’m sorry, Nick…" she said in shame of her curiosity, her arm darting at Nick to quickly hand him the letter, "I shouldn't be reading this".

            "Huh?" Nick said, confused by her abrupt change, slowly taking the papers from her, "You’re the one who strong-armed your way into helping," he teased, before realizing she was hiding her face. Nick smiled at her embarrassed pose. "It's okay Carrots."

            "No," Judy started, her voice cracking slightly, "It's not..." she trailed off, still staring at the floor. Nick glanced at the letter after taking it from her, but before he could start reading, Judy leaned toward him, wrapped her arms around one of his, and buried her cheek in the crook of his elbow. Nicks eyes widened as he looked at her before slowly pulling the letter up.

_Dear Nicky,_

_My handwriting isn't what it used to be, as you can probably tell if you've seen my other letters, so I asked Lani to help write this for me._

_As you can see I've still found a way to keep an eye on my little boy. I may not have as much time to spend on it as I would like, but whenever I'm feeling like myself, you’re always my first thought. I started keeping this scrapbook to remind myself of all that's happened, and so I can keep some part of you near. Oh, but you’re not my little boy anymore are you? All grown up, you look so handsome in that uniform. I always knew you would do something noble with yourself when you grew up, my little scout! But if your partner is any indication, I can tell that you still have your father's sense of humor, you’re already turning that poor little rabbit grey. She's your friend, isn't she? You should be taking care of your friends Nicky. If you take care of them half as well as you have me, they'll always be there when you need them._

_Speaking of which, I have to apologize to you, but I'm not sure where to even begin. I've been such a terrible burden to you Nick. This isn't how things are suppose to work dear, I should be the one taking care of you, but instead, you've spent half of your life taking care of your mother. No amount of words can explain how proud, and grateful I am for you, for everything you've done for me. Lani’s told me about your visits, and she was absolutely right. As much as I want to see my son, I didn't want to put you through that, and I still don't. Seeing me like that, just thinking of what it must have been like for you all these years, no parent should put their children through that. I'm sure it seems longer to you than it does to me, but that first day, in the hospital, I told you not to worry so much. I wish you had listened to me dear. Lani has told me how strong you've been, but I know my son better than that._

_I'm sorry for the way things turned out Nick. I know how hard this all must have been for you, and I wish I could have held my son one more time. But no matter what, know that I love you, and I couldn't be more proud of you, for everything you've done, for me, and for the tod that you've become. You've always had a good heart, just like your father, and no-one can take that away from you. I love you Nicky, never forget that, because I never will._

_All My Love,_

_Mom_

           Nick took a breath, stammering slightly as he put the pages down, and sat back against the couch. Judy still remained wrapped around his left arm, her ears taut against his chest, ready to listen to anything he had to say, her paw unintentionally resting in his open palm. She beat back her curiosity for what the rest of the letter might have said, knowing it wasn't meant for her, but Nick’s silence was eating away at her. She wanted to ask if he was alright, but no matter what he might answer, she already knew she wouldn't know how to respond.

            After a moment, her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of light tapping. She moved her gaze about the room, until she realized where it was coming from, tears, falling silently from his fur, gently splattering onto the back of her ear, as he stared blankly at the ceiling. She squeezed his arm tighter, doing the same with her eyes, as his paw slowly closed around hers. She refused to move, determined to stay there, as she was, for as long as he might have needed her to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that's where it ends... time heals, life goes on.... (I HAVE come up with a really short epilogue chapter that follows Judy home, but it wouldn't really add much, just as bittersweet as this ending, maybe weaker...)
> 
> ************for some reason as this scene fades out, I hear pieces of Wonderwall by Oasis playing in my head... not sure if that's as fitting as it seems to me..... probably not, I'm broken like that... maybe The World I Know by Collective Soul would fit better? lol yep... still broken

**Author's Note:**

> Return to DS&T Chapter 3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8671810/chapters/19913002  
> Return to DS&T Full: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8671810?view_full_work=true
> 
>  
> 
> As usual, hope you enjoy it, and feel free to comment/critique ^^


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